In my mind's eye

There is so much changing around me but there is only one change that my mind and heart alike register…
I stand as a lone spectator watching everything like a roll of film…there are so many faces old and new and the number keeps popping up daily…but no matter what the scene is, there are some faces that stand out in some nook or corner of your mind …there is no sense of irrelevance for them…they linger like shadows in your mind as an imprint of your heart…these are the faces you involuntarily look for to share anything minutely important to you even if it is not even remotely connected to them…you bid for your time in their life, you feel special when they do the same…they just make life even more special coz by sharing it with them the experience is complete… there is only one word for them irreplaceable…
and now it is one of these faces in my life that insists on hiding amid the tens of newer ones…its been happening for a while...owing to my own insecurities, the peek-a-boo always bothered me but I always believed that some day the game would stop and we can be each other again…now though...
family and friends are the few who impose the fact that you don’t make the choice, the choice makes you…and one of the most difficult things I ever had to hear was my choice of choosing them was wrong because I wasn’t theirs…(confusing eh? :))I didn’t know how to deal with it either :)…the former rather than the latter coz there was nothing i could do about it...and as for the picture, it all just became muddled and hazy… apart from this there were a lot of other changes happening…let me tell you its a many step process:)...like for instance your phone stops ringing to their tune...like you learn things about them from someone else...frustration builds up...like the transition from we to you…(no matter how many times it happens, we damn never learn from that one experience J… the pain is still the same)…bitterness creeps in...probably the most frustrating of all is when you know your friend is in distress and you cant do anything about it except being a bystander watching them suffer ...the helplessness is beyond words or expression...gradually you lose the interest to share...but your will to fight doesnt diminish...
But amidst all this chaos, there is that one change, the absence of my friend, that makes a profound impact on me... for even though the picture now is crystal clear, all I see in the newer faces is the shadow of the face that eludes me …oh no am not a photographer :) neither am i seeing things :) its just that I miss a very dear friend of mine,very dearly…